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An Information site for caregivers and the bereaved.

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When You Ask Why

After the death of a significant loved one in our lives, we are often faced with the emotion and pain that results.

 

Deceased Data
Name of person who died
Relationship to you
Age
Date of birth
Date of death
Nature of death
Write a few brief sentences to describe your loved one. (Examples of information you may include would be: What did he or she like best "to do" in life? What will you always remember about him or her? How would a friend or relative describe this person?)
Survivor Data
Your Name
Address
City
State
Zip
Phone
e-mail address
   
Was this data collection form completed by you and does it reflect your thoughts to the best of your ability? YesNo
If not, by whom was it completed?
Permission to print name/city/state in IndexYes No
Permission to print initials/city/state in book Yes No
Prefer anonymity, but incident may be used as an example
 
Please answer as many of the questions below that you feel comfortable with. These questions give me a better opportunity of understanding your grief and special loss.
1. Describe the events that led up to the sudden death of your loved one.
2. How were you notified about his or her death? (If you were present, briefly explain.)
3. What was your immediate reaction or thought?
4. How did the media (radio, television, and/or newspapers) handle the death, if you were exposed to media? (sensitive or insensitive to family and situation)
5. In what manner did the funeral directors assist you? Was this a positive or negative experience considering the unexpected circumstances?
6. How helpful was your clergy in assisting your with your unanswered questions or general need for support? Give examples, if possible.
7. How did the community respond to your loss and period of mourning? (church, workplace, school, social clubs, neighbors etc.)
8. Describe any feelings of anger, rage, un-forgiveness, and revenge that may have accompanied your loss—if this was the situation. How did you manage these feelings? Describe your initial feelings and describe how you were able to reconcile with these feelings.
9. How did relationships change with your spouse, your friends, your co-workers or your family as a result of the loss?
10. Months later, how would you say that this sudden death impacted your life most?
11. Did you experience any "survivor’s guilt"? Explain the nature of your "guilt." (Survivor’s guilt is common in accidental deaths in which you could also have died but survived. And in situations in which a child dies before his or her parents. This is also common when issues are unresolved at the time of a death.)
12. What special losses have you experienced as a result of this sudden death?
(Example: loss of dreams, grandchildren)
13. Did you experience problems as a result of the loss that changed your life in other ways like: alcohol or drug dependency, divorce or separation, or depression. How have you managed that?
14. How did this sudden death affect your spirituality or belief system?
(i.e. faith stronger or weaker, purpose for living, values or ethics, thoughts about the inevitability of death. )
15. Has there been a "turning point" in your grief that helped you accept the tragedy and begin rebuilding your life? If so, describe what has occurred.
16. Is there anything else that you feel is important for others to understand about the sudden death experience? Please comment.
17. If your loved one was the victim of homicide, describe the impact of working through the judicial system? How did this affect your ability to heal?
18. What social stigmas complicated your freedom to grief or your ability to heal?
19. What unanswered questions bothered you during your period of grief?
20. How did you get beyond having to know the answers?
 

You may also mail or fax this Information to:

Wings
Nan Zastrow
PO Box 1051
Wausau, WI 54402-1051
Phone or FAX (715) 845-3424
wings1@charter.net

 
 
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