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Children’s reactions to terrorism, war, anthrax, and the perceived loss
of safety and protection provide a window into their psyches and help
suggest ways the adults around them can help. Our ability to listen to
questions, thoughts and feelings are paramount in creating a safe zone
for our children to process these life-changing times they are living
through.
Explaining
Terrorism, Trauma, and War
One question
weighing heavily on the minds of parents, educators, and mental health
professionals is: “How do we talk to our children about war, terrorism,
prejudice, biochemical attack, and nuclear destruction? Boys and girls
are plagued by questions. “Is anthrax in my mail?” “Was the plane
destroyed by terrorists?” “What is smallpox?” and “When is the next
attack?”
Many kids who
usually like to draw and write, seem reluctant to do so. They appear shy
and explain this is too hard to do or they are not ready. Young children
may not process information they see or hear accurately. We can ask,
“What do you think happened with the terrorists attack?”
One-four-year
old thought the terrorists destroyed hundreds of buildings because he
repeatedly viewed tapes of the plane crashing into the towers, thinking
every tape was a new attack. Carlos, a five-year-old living in El
Salvador, began to cry to his grandmother as they talked on the
telephone. After watching the plane crash on TV, he explained to her,
“Grandma you live in New York. Now that the plane crashed I’ll never be
able to come and visit America!” He thought the plane he saw blow up was
the only plane to take people to the United States. The following are
examples of definitions helpful to initiate dialogue with children.
Create Words
to Use
Terrorism is
an act or acts of violence, abuse, murder, or devastation against
unsuspecting people and countries by a person or group of people that
believe their cause is more important than human life or property. Their
feeling of “being right” is more important to them (sometimes) than
their own life. Terrorists can be big or small, black or white, or any
color, American or foreign. Their goal is to create terror, disruption,
and vulnerability.
Trauma is an
experience that can be scary and difficult. It may create feelings of
fear, anger, rage, and revenge. A trauma can be a death of someone close
to us, caused by a car accident or a terrorist bombing. It can also be
from knowing something scary that happened on TV, or to someone we know,
or even to a stranger we see on a news video.
Creating A
Dialogue
When creating
dialogues with children, use accurate, real, and age-appropriate
language avoiding clichés or denial of their experience. Concentrate on
giving the facts, keeping responses to questions simple and
age-appropriate. Especially with young children, minimize the scope of
the tragedy, without contemplating with them what did or may happen.
Keeping
explanations developmentally appropriate allows children to process this
experience at their own level. Young elementary school children need
simple information balanced with reassurance that trustworthy adults are
bringing stability to their day-to-day life. Middle school children may
seek out more facts and want to know more about their safety what is
being done to keep them safe and healthy at home, school, and in the
community. High school students may more strongly voice opinions about
what happened and why, and need to develop ways to combat terrorism,
rationalize war, and prevent world annihilation. (Adapted from National
Association of School Psychologists, NASP
www.nasponline.org.)
Telling
children the truth in an age-appropriate way is very important. They
often have a conscious or unconscious knowing of events happening around
them and can sense the impact of the terrorist trauma on the adult
world. One mom shared just such an experience in the car with her
four-year-old son, Andy. She shared she was “sneaking” a listen of the
news on the day of the attack. As the reporter began talking about the
destruction of the World Trade Center, she quickly turned it off so Andy
couldn’t hear. Andy immediately explained his level of awareness:
“Mommy, they are talking about the plane crash that blew up buildings
today.”
If Andy was
then told his experience wasn’t real, he may have begun to doubt himself
and/or the adult world and question his mother’s truthfulness. If Andy
felt his mom was hiding the truth about what happened, he might worry
more because his mom was too afraid to tell him what really happened.
Either way, Andy may have another loss––the loss of the trust in the
adult world.
Prepare
children for dialogue
Reassure
children that what they are feeling is very common. Emphasize to them
that adults are feeling the same things that they are. Remind them that
everyone has different ways of showing their feelings and that is OK.
Restore confidence by reassuring them that problems are being handled,
people who were hurt are being cared for, buildings are being cleared,
and that things are getting a little better each day.
Carlos gets
scared every time the mail comes to the house. “Don’t touch it without
gloves and a mask!” he screamed at his dad. The threat of anthrax was
very great where he lived in New York City. We can reframe some of that
fear into a feeling of protection by saying gloves and masks protect the
postal workers and other people while we check to make sure our post
offices and mail are safe from anthrax.
Accept
Children’s Reactions
While there
are several commonly seen reactions to trauma in children, these
reactions range widely. Some children will listen to your explanation
and then go out to play. Others will want to stay near you and talk
about it for a length of time, or maybe ask you to drive them to school
instead of taking the bus. Still others may be angry that adults can’t
immediately fix the problem.
Children can
use many activities to safely tell their story. Props like fireman and
police hats, doctor kits, toy soldiers, and hand puppets can be used to
re-enact the tragedy and war. Toys, puppets, art, clay modeling,
collage, letter writing, journaling, and other projective play can be
used for role-play and expression of emotions. Positive visualizations
and breathing exercises can help kids to relax.
Activities to
Help Children Participate in World Events
Children can
create rituals that allow commemoration and avenues to voice feelings.
Lighting candles, planting flowers, writing letters, raising money for
victims, or saying prayers for survivors or world peace allow children
to be recognized mourners. Thirteen year-old Helen lived in a New Jersey
community where many families, especially those of fire fighters and
police, had been deeply affected by the World Trade Center disaster.
“Let's make brownies,” she told her younger brother and sister, “and
sell them to raise money for the firemen. Everybody likes brownies.”
The terrorist
attack has transformed us all into a nation weeping for the loss of our
people, our property, our freedom, and our safety. It has transformed us
all into a nation of grieving children. It has transformed us all into a
global community joining together to re-instill protection and a sense
of safety for America and for the world. Helping our children grieve can
only help the grieving child in each one of us.
This article is an adaptation from Linda Goldman's book
Breaking the Silence: A Guide to Help Children With Complicated Grief,
2nd edition, (2001). This article, or any part thereof may not be
reproduced without express permission of Linda Goldman, 7801 Connecticut
Avenue, Chevy Chase, Maryland 20815. To contact Linda Goldman, e-mail
her at lgold@erols.com
This article
appears on our website with permission from Linda Goldman. It was
printed in the Fall 2002 issues of Wings. Please respect the reprint
policy. |
