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Our son, Chad, was a letter writer. It was a way we
sometimes could communicate with each other when words were too hard to say
or we ran the risk of hurting feelings. Many times I wrote him lengthy
letters about the reasons for the things we wanted for him in life. And many
times they were just to tell him stories about our own challenges when
growing up and making decisions. Whether he was home or miles from home,
letters were normal for us to exchange. Often I would just re-emphasize our
love for him and our firm willingness to stand behind his decisions no
matter what. After the letter, somehow it became easier to talk about any
problem. This tradition was part of our family roots.
I wasn't sure how he really felt about that habit of mine.
Not until he died. After his death, I found a sports bag full of
letters-mostly from mom. They were letters I sent him through the growing
years and letters from three different summers of military training.
It was only fitting to write him one more letter-one that wrapped up my sentiments of a
beautiful young life that was much too short. Our pastor shared it with those who came to
the funeral, and I'd like to share parts of it with you.
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| April 19, 1993
Dear Chad,
We know your spirit is here with us today. Our eyes will shed a million tears yet. And
our hearts will have an ache that will never go away. Life without you is already empty
and lonely. But we want you to know that even in these darkest moments of our life, we
have wonderful happy memories of you. This will be our support until we meet again. Fate
played its hand. God had a purpose for you mightier than I shall ever know, and your young
soul will play a beautiful song in someone else's destiny. There is a purpose and a reason
which someday we too may know.
We think of the joy your birth gave us on the 4th day of December 1971. We dressed you
up in that hunter green bunting to bring you home. Those days filled our lives with joy
and gave us many memories to live with.
WE GAVE YOU ROOTS IN FAMILY, FRIENDS AND GOD:
- Your grandparents were very special in your life. How you loved to tell stories about
them to your friends. And we would chuckle over their spicy nature or humorous antics.
- Your sister, though a "special child," idolized you and you would always watch
out for her.
- You shared a great time growing up with your five cousins. They liked to tease you about
being the only boy and would gang up on you just to give you a hug or kiss, especially in
those sensitive teen years.
- You looked up to your Uncle Ole and tried to emulate many of the things he did-the
scout, the hunter, and his service as an emergency medical technician. Aunt Sally was
always there to cheer you on and look out for your well-being.
- With Uncle Tom and Aunt Karen, you shared the latest episodes of fishing or the Viking
football games. Football and recreational sports were your favorite things.
- You were baptized and confirmed in your church with the same friends you went to school
with grades K-8 at your church school.
YOU GAVE ROOTS BACK TO US:
- We'll never forget the years from grade school through high school. You shared a unique
bonding with the teachers. They remember you as one who had wit, perseverance, and loved
pranks. High school was a bit more challenging. There were new friends, less teacher ties
and more freedom.
- We were always proud when others would tell us how pleasant and polite you were when you
met them on the street. And you fit in with everyone no matter what their status in life:
from pastor, to teacher, to 4-star general.
IN THE PAST YEAR, YOUR ROOTS WERE WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
- How lucky you were to have such loyal, loving friends that cared about you and looked up
to you.
- Your friends were our greatest source of comfort these past few days. Their words about
you and their admiration only rekindled our loving thoughts.
- How proud we were that you became a volunteer on the fire department and started school
for EMT training. You finally found your niche in life. You knew it was what you wanted to
be.
- We can't forget your special friend-the love of your life-or your plans and dreams
together. She was your future and everything you lived for. Your world revolved around
her.
There are those who preceded you in death that were also important in your life. We
know that you are with them now in all of God's glory. We know that they were there to
meet you for your new journey.
We love you son, now and forever. We will never forget you. We believe that God is a
loving God and that He chose you for reasons beyond our understanding. Throughout our 25
years of marriage, you have been our pride, love and hope. You gave us your love
always--unconditionally-and treated us with love and respect. We are proud to be your
parents. We gave you roots and earthly wings. Today we pray that eternal wings have taken
you safely into your Heavenly Father's arms. We look forward to meeting you again in
eternity.
Your loving Mom and Dad |
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Chad died on April 16, 1993, suddenly and unexpectedly from suicide. His fiancée took
her life ten weeks later. This letter appeared in the Premier Edition of Wings, in spring
1994.
Since the time of Chad and Jenny's deaths, we have actively worked toward community
awareness of grief through our publication and through workshops and presentations. We
have learned a lot about life-death-and purpose. We've come to know our God through a
closer relationship; and accept that He did not choose for Chad to die. Sometimes things
just happen. Life has choices and death is sometimes the result of intolerable pain. (Read
my article about suicide: "Sometimes We
Don't Get Second Chances.")
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